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Saturday, June 27, 2009

Friendships I've ended

This year I have lost or ended a few important friendships. And they hurt, but the pain the friendships were causing was greater.

I blogged about the friend who verbally attacked me while driving in my car in March. I have not heard one word from her. I took my inventory on that event, and found I had absolutely no part. I would have welcomed her apology, and to be honest, I thought for sure she would reach out to me when my mother died. She did not. Her sponsor and I are close, and of course she knew of my moms death. I have now decided that I will not welcome her friendship again.

Kenny Rogers sang "Know when to fold 'em". For me, I did not let go of relationships easily at all. I placed my emotional well being in them, which is why I stayed married too long. I did not have a self unless I was attached to someone else's self. Not so today.

The other friendship I have chosen to end is a man I was very close with over the last year. He is a ""Dry" addict, however, he drinks, but he thinks thats ok. Though he hasnt attended NA meetings in over 7 years, he still considers himself a member when he would share in al-anon meetings. I say this here not to disparage him (and since I wont state his name, that is impossible), but to lay the background to the thought process of this man. An addict in denial, attending al-anon, yet not work the steps or use a sponsor, which means he is quite at odds. He has basically stopped coming to al-anon, and as a result, has been a shitty friend. Every now and then he might call, or return a call and sound wonderful. He called me a few times when my mom was dying, but was a no show at her funeral. What made that worse, was the half assed email he left saying "I was going to go, but something came up and I wasnt in the area". Huh? Can you be more specific than that? Anyhow, it hurt quite a lot. I have seen his half measured excuses for the last 8 months or so, and I have decided I am done. Since my mothers death, i am realizing how how precious life is and I just dont have time for half measured people. I am trying my hardest to be a "full measured" person in all my relationships and I sure as hell deserve the same in return.

As you can see, my "give a damn" is still busted. :)

2 comments:

Prayer Girl said...

Life is precious and there are so many relationship possibilities for God to place in front of us, I don't waste my time on "half measured people". (love that term) I may pray for them, but that's about it.

Bless you,
PG

Seth M. Ward said...

Some of the hardest things I've ever had to do was to end friendships.....

There are harder things in life, but I would rank it in the top five. Love is an easy thing to give away and a harder thing to throw away. Keep the faith.