Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Pain comes, Pain goes, Pain comes again

When I post here about my anger at the alcoholic, or my sadness at what he has done, it means I AM IN PAIN.

It does not mean that I no longer remember what my spiritual path is, or I have forgotten how to handle the pain, or that I am going to stay in the pain. It means I AM HURTING. The pain of alcoholism never goes away and we are left with happy, sunny memories and skip down that path of spiritual perfection. Even when things improve in my spiritual, emotional, physical life, the trigger of a certain song, sign or sound may bring back the pain as if it just occurred. What I learn, one day at a time, is to MANAGE the pain. Thus, trying to get my life to be manageable. But that does not mean I should NOT feel the pain. It means I feel, express and process it.

So, when you see a post like the one below, that I posted yesterday, a person shouldnt assume that I need advice, sponsoring, unsolicited feedback in order to help me. Rather, a person should assume that alcoholism is hurting a bit stronger today, and have compassion, just as you would for anyone who is suffering from burn pains, where the occurrence of "Phantom Pain" is common and very real.

No matter how many years of recovery someone has, they are going to feel anger, resentment, even vengeance....but FEELING it and ACTING on it are two distinctly different things.

I FEEL my feelings, and when or if they erode the quality of my life, I seek the highest form of help.



Syd said...

You're right. The pain comes back at times and overwhelms me. A therapist once told me that I had PTSD. Maybe I do. I just know that some days I feel really bad. But I get myself out of that place as fast as I can. Thanks for all that you share. It is very real to me.