Absolutely nothing exciting happened. :( No drama. No drive bys the alcoholics house, no calling the alcoholic, no nothing relating to any alkies. Just a lot of back pain, coffee ice cream and chocolate whoopers and rasionettes :)
Being bedridden for most of weekend, I ate a lot of ice cream and chocolate, all the while thinking about my new exercise regime I am planning. LOL. addictive thinking at its finest. I felt better enough today to go to the mall with Jackson. They happen to have those back massage lounger type chairs, for $1 you get 3 minutes of severe round ball like things rubbing up and down your back. It felt like heaven! I did it 3 times!
We just hung out in the mall, and I felt so grateful that my 17 year old son likes to go to the mall with me. So lucky. So many of these wonderful parent/child moments his father will never, ever have. I cannot imagine what it feels like to be a sober person knowing that your child is disgusted by you and wants nothing to do with you. How can anyone be sober knowing that? And not doing anything about making it right? Thats why I know he isnt sober. It must be an awful reality for anyone who is chemically and emotionally sober. Pretty much all the drunks I know who got sober thru AA have made miracles happen in their lives, thru the works of the 12 steps.
One guy, O (I will call him) had a wife and 3 small kids, one of whom has downs syndrome. Well he was a typical drunk, breaking down doors, violence etc. He get sober at 42 in AA, the first year she wouldnt take him back, separated for a year or so, restraining order, the whole shebang. The 2nd year he was working to make right all he made wrong, and at his 2nd year AA b day, his wife is there! Big surprise the way he told it she would never forgive him much less take him back. But, he earned it. Steps, Amends, right living. To know that my son, and I, may never get that hurts. Thats why sometimes I wish him dead. Then we will stop hoping for a miracle.
Anyhow, I got derailed into his world again. Today Im so grateful that my boy is here with me, helped to take care of me this weekend, took him to his tuba lesson yesterday even when my back hurts. When you love someone, youre willing to make sacrifices.
Love is an action.
ICU Nurse it is
1 year ago
2 comments:
~C~ I snuck in the back door. My wife, Prayer Girl gave me the URL to access your blog--If you do not want me here, I'll take off.
For now, though I've gotta say, without really knowing any facts (that's my way of doing business!!!) that God, in his time, may yet bring you all together. God has a way of doing that. DON'T LIMIT GOD!
Blessings, and Peace to you and your son.
Don't give up as miracles do happen. I think that it's great that you and Jackson hang out together. And it's good to have an uneventful weekend.
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