Whats worse than hate?

Indifference. Aka apathy.

"The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.
The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference.
The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference.
And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference"

-Elie Wiesel

The drunk thinks that Jackson hates him. Probably cus I have told him so in anger. But it goes worse than that. He should consider himself lucky if it were hate. Hate is a part of love. You cant have that kind of passion towards someone/something you have or have had an interest in. Like a father, ya know.

But indifference. Thats a terror more powerful than hate. Indifference is what the drunk bestows when he could care less if you have been worrying all night about whether he is alive or dead while out on a binge. Indifference is not showing up on your sons first day of kindergarten. Indifference is not showing up on ANY day for your son. And never acknowledging the harm, the pain, the damage. "Hey, so sue me!".

And because we know what goes around,comes around, the indifference is returned. Jackson doesnt bother to show reactive behavior towards his ex-father when he sends the "junkie grams" in the mail, or when he doesnt bother to send his financial records so Jackson can go to college with financial aid. Jackson is shut down. Emotions neatly tucked away. Just like the drunk. He doesnt have time for alcoholic manipulation anymore.


Ive tried to help bring those feelings out, to no avail. I finally accept that they will in their own time. Im here to catch them and him, when they do.

I heard at an AA meeting last year a man with just a few years sober say he wanted his ex wife back after he joined AA. She was done with him. No returning for her. She was cold and indifferent, just as he was to her all the drinking years. He wished she would at least be angry at him, hate him even, because then he knew she cared somewhat. Nope. Nothing. Felt nothing. He was sad.

Its taken me along time to get to indifference. I fade in and out of it, not there totally. Still angry sometimes (Read my previous post HA HA).Im human. I feel. But not consumed 100%.

And that, as Martha Stewart would say, is a "good thing".