Yesterdays funeral of an Alateen

Went to the memorial service for Curtis yesterday. He attended Alateen for a short period with Jackson about 4 years ago. Before his mothers insane behavior made it impossible to remain living with and he went to live with his alcoholic dad.

His leukemia from 2008 returned, after a brief remission, in Feb of this year. Within a few months, they knew it was hopeless but gave HIM the choice to continue chemo or just go home to live out his brief life in more comfort. He choose the chemo. He wanted to live.

They showed several slide shows with his photos, music. His parents spoke, though they hate each other bitterly, there was no outward sign of discontent. The mom spoke last. She read some prepared words she had written down. Her grief was not hidden, she was raw, but concise and said what she needed to say. She had us all in tears. I just could not imagine if it was me up there speaking about my Jackson. This is so much to bear, but with her, she has another very large burden to live out her life with....her son never forgave her. He was so angry with her sick, anger, he cit her out of his life. And she blamed the father. She could NOT see her part at all, and alienated him away. Even in his sickest days in the hospital, he did not want to see her. She went daily, sat in the waiting room, but never made amends to him because she is so filled with vile anger at the ex. And it was never her fault.

Isnt this a similar situation we are in? But, here its the alcoholic who doesnt see his part, who alienated Jackson, who just sits by and waits for Jackson to call him. And Jackson is, or has, grown up without his father. What if Jackson should die? The guilt, the shame his father would have to live with......thats why life is meant to be lived IN THE MOMENT. Make amends, love people, life IS short.

When I got home last night, I held my 6'foot tall baby for a long time, telling him how much I adore him.