It's okay to not like everyone in Al-Anon

I went to our district Al-Anon gratitude dinner tonight. Nice to see old faces I had'nt seen in a long while. Not so nice to see a few faces I dislike. I have finally realized this year, since my mother's death that it is perfectly acceptable to dislike people in my fellowship.

I use to think I was a selfish sinner for not liking everyone. The people pleaser in me. Not anymore. These people have hurt me, never took responsiblity nor made any amends. So, I do not have to act all lovely dovely. As I was manning the greeting table, for folks to sign in and get a name tag with another memember, some of these people I dislike arrived to sign in. I said nothing, they said nothing. No *fakery* on either side. I felt liberated! I felt like I was honoring my feelings and not having to fake it.

For this people pleaser, that was a great triumph!

What is forgiveness?

Forgiveness is not about condoning another's hurtful actions, it is about releasing your negative emotions and perceptions about the painful events. Otherwise you keep yourself chained to those events or people - you keep it alive within you - and you carry it with you where-ever you go. It is a very heavy burden to carry around and you end up crippling yourself emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically.

Holding on to anger, resentment, etc. keeps you in 'victim' mode - powerless. It means you are letting those people who have hurt you in the past dictate who you are in the present moment. You can take your power back by releasing these negative emotions and no longer let them hold sway over your thoughts, feelings and actions.

Only you are responsible for what you do, think and feel. You can choose to hold on to painful events, like a weight around your neck, or you can choose to remove that burden by releasing it (giving it no more emotional energy and therefore power) and living a happier life despite past circumstances. In other words... let the past be in the past, and live in the now moment. You can't change what happened in the past, but you have choice over how you live now.


When you assume responsibility for what you experience
and share what you experience in a spirit of companionship,
that is the same as forgiveness.
When you hold someone responsible for what you experience,
you lose power.

~ Gary Zukav - from "Seat Of The Soul" ~