Thursday, June 18, 2009

Deal breakers

My blog friend, Betty Ann recently wrote about deal breakers and I loved her confidence about it. A deal breaker is an issue that arises between 2 people in which one of the people determines cannot be surmounted and as a result, the person who finds it unacceptable wont accept it.

Example: Any man I date has to not only accept my son as part of the relationship, has has to treat him with respect and include him in his heart. That is a deal breaker. There is no negotiation, either you love us both or you dont love me. Luckily I have never had that problem :)

I guess its another word for boundary. A few days ago, a deal breaker presented itself from the alcoholic.

2 years ago when confronted with his theft of our sons college fund of $20,000, I demanded he surrender his passport to Jackson, place it in his hand and promise to never return to his whore-hunting grounds of south america. He did. And 5 months later, he got s new passport, broke his promise and his sons heart.

Two days ago, in a face to face meeting with him, I confronted his continually breaking that promise. This is what he said:

"Well I didnt promise HIM, I promised you".

Of course thats a lie. SHOCK! Alcoholic lying. An alcoholic who claims 2 years of sobriety. Not only lies about his promise, but rationalizes that its ok to break it, because it was only MADE TO ME, not his son.

Alcoholic rationalization. At its best.

So, the deal breaker was that. The lie, the justification, the proof that he is as mentally sick today as the day he put down the drink (If he did). And I cannot have that anywhere in my life.

Silence and integrity is my aim for today. Just for today.