Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Why I LOVE anger

Dont love BEING angry so much as I love the power that anger provides, when used appropriately.

Imagine being an abused spouse. Constantly being berated, assaulted, humiliated and never doing a thing about it,. Feeling powerless, hopeless, insignificant and suicidal. Until one day, he/she does something that strikes done deep inside, and the rage you have been suppressing is sparked, and the quiet inferno raises out of you with a power you never felt in your life, and you say NO MORE!. You become so angry, that fear has left you and you feel invincible to call the police, leave the spouse, ask for help. Thats what good anger is.

Since my mother has died, Ive been pretty much done with the bullshit of life. My tolerance level is shot. When I get shit about insignificant crap, I cut it out immediately. Case in point: Jackson, my angel, do-no-wrong child (said in jest!) asked to go to the gun range and shoot up some cheap-o paper targets, costing $56 for an hour, I said "Please call around to compare prices at other shops". His reaction: "Aw, man!".

That was it. My broken give a damn was still out for repairs and I could not tolerate his lack of respect for MY bank account, not wanting to do his part. He takes me for granted at times, (because I allow it) and didnt appreciate that his single non-wealthy mommy was spending very hard earned dollars on a fluff activity.

So, being that my GAD (give a dam) is busted, I tell him that attitude was unacceptable, gave him the "Appreciate me, do you part, or no gun shooting for you, bub). Quick, to the point, no bullshit. He got the message. The reason is I always put up with being disrespected because I am PEOPLE PLEASER (Well, recovering PP). But today, due to the anger stage of my grieving, I just dont have the patient for crap.

This has been effective in other areas of life, my service in al-anon where I have been the recipient of controlling folks. I would always let them steam roll me, but man, not no more. I stood up last week to the oh so powerful (not) DR and let my view be known, not caring that it will result in her hating me. I have also disconnected myself from friendships where the friend violated the 80-20 rule of friendship. When a person gives less than 80% of good, and starts to give more than 20% of bad in the relationship, we got a problem. By bad, I mean not returning calls, not initiating calls, emails- dishonesty, self-centerness etc. If I wanted THAT, Id call my ex and be his friend. For so long, I accepted less than treatment so I wouldnt be alone in relationships. No more. As much as I miss my friends, lets be honest, people who treat me like crap are NOT friends. Ive got to see the warning signs the same as I do with the alcoholic.

Anger is not to be avoided, its to be processed. I learned a long time ago I cannot attack physically or verbally. I have to process using the tools Ive been taught. It feels good to stand for myself, for if I dont, who will?


Syd said...

I've been around people who spew anger. It is tough to deflect sometimes. I understand that it isn't about me. But it is the disease talking. Thanks for sharing this.