Tuesday, September 1, 2009

New sponsee....time to get tough

I was asked if I "wanted to sponsor" a band aid al-anon today. Ha! Do I want to sponsor you, or do you mean "WILL I sponsor you"?. The ego.....the woman is dying an insane alcoholic/codependent death right in front of our groups eyes, and she cant humble herself to ask for help. Fear of rejection, fear of being vulnerable. I asked her to re-assemble her question, I was direct and firm with her. She figured it out and asked again. I said yes, of course.

I told her I was going to be tough on her. She needs it. She is living in pure, 100% insanity. Drunk husband who stalks her (once at an al-anon meeting I attended), goes thru her laundry to detect infidelity, used her car to get drugs, ending up with a bullet hole in the seat. And on and on it goes. She comes in and out of al-anon, full of fear, beat down, suffering extreme PTSD, yet she has never surrendered and asked for a sponsor ad to work the steps.

I SUGGESTED (Hah) she do 30 meetings in 30 days. WELL! She has to go to vacation this weekend, about 3 hrs away, with her Mom. Huh? Dont they have meetings in that good sized city that has an aiport? Cant leave mom for an hour? I asked her how serious she is this time, maybe she isnt ready to recover. I inquire as to what kind of importance saving her life is to her? She re-thunk it, and said "Yeah, I can probably go to a meeting there".

I have said it and hear it a thousand times.....recovery is NOT for those who NEED it, its for those who WANT it!

Whether she wants it remains to be seen.....I WANT IT! and for that last 2,450 days, I have wanted it.

Do you?!?!?!


Syd said...

I agree with you. It is for those who want it. Those who decide that only going to meetings is enough...well..I don't think that works well over the long term or the short term. It's the whole program that works: getting a sponsor, working the steps, doing service work. I've had so many sponsees who really aren't willing or entirely ready to recover.

Anonymous said...

Good post! I haven't been around enough to have heard that turn "band aid" before, but it's a good one. I think some people use church the same way. When someone is sick or dying, they start to pray. Al-Anon is the same way for some I suppose.

A story like hers- the one you talked about- gives me some gratitude. Gratitude that I got out of the life I was living at the beginning of 2002, and was able to move on. Thanks for the reminder.