What is compassion for the alcoholic?
"Aw, he cant help is, he has a disease"
"We must'nt be angry at him, he is not in his right mind"
"We will just ignore all the damage, hurt and pain he is causing, and show a happy, sunshiny face at all times"
OH GIMME A BREAK!
Those are NOT examples of showing compassion for the drunk. Those are actually, IMHO, devastating examples of ignorant al-anons who mis-interpret "compassion" and acceptance. All those ideas (Above) are self-destructive to the al-anon, or family member. BULLSHIT, in other words.
Compassion is having an understanding of how the disease manifests in the alcoholic, BUT NOT accepting his abusive behavior to continue just because you understand the why's of it.
Compassion is reacting appropriately, not "re-acting". Reminds me of when a child throws a tantrum, and to get the kid to hush up, you give him a lollipop, thus, feeding the sick behavior. I have found holding the drunk responsible for their actions is an act of compassion. How the hell else is the person gonna learn how to grow up, if not be held responsible for their acts?
I bailed him outta jail for a DUI. What a flippin dip stick I was. Thought it was helping. Cost me $2000. I want a refund! Wonder how many years it delayed his bottom?
We al-anons tend to NOT wanna piss off the pink elephant by doing things they dont want us to do, so we label our ignorance, our fear of confrontation, compassion.
Not me..I have compassion for ME first. My son first.
He gets my prayers. Sometimes willingly, most times not. Doesnt matter the motive, just the action. And I dont do it for his benefit. For mine. My son. My sanity.
ICU Nurse it is
2 years ago
3 comments:
You are a sensible girl, at least when it comes to recovery issues.
(hugs).. Keep the Focus on Yourself and all of Life's Abundance. I, too, don't want to be around anyone with any active issues; or living DRYLY and still in the disease.
I don't even have time for compassion because I'm focusing on M OWN LIFE. It is working for me. I'm very happy.......
You have so much going for you ... and you are a terrific woman.
I pray for the sick and suffering. It's all that I can do. I can't do for them what they need to do for themselves. Yet, I do feel compassion because I realize that without it, my heart is like stone.
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