Wishing for death

Many times, I wish for the drunk to die. Are you surprised? If you are, Im surprised! Either you have never been affected by this horrific disease, or perhaps, you have never been affected by a terminally ill loved one.

Thats what alcoholism is, a fatal, terminal illness. The death begins very early on in the disease. Spiritual death is the beginning, subtle and not obvious. The lies, manipulation, apathy. It grows, like a tumor, into more obvious, garrish, blunt deception, indifference and outright hate.

The mental deterioration comes next. The distorted thinking, self-deception, rationalization, justifying ungodly acts. As it progresses, the physical effects may begin; bloating, jaundice, ignoring self care, physical diseases manifest, esophageal varices (throat veins bursting), inability to swallow resulting in a stomach tube. Ever see a drunk pour alcohol into their own feeding tube?

Wet brain alcoholism. The brain just burns itself out. No hope of recovery beyond that. Though the body may survive longer, the brain is so affected by the alcohol, it cannot recover. Ive seen it in people. The wife of a good friend died of it. Comatose 6 months. After the varices made it impossible to swallow. And she pour vodka into her feeding tube. After she struck her husband many many times, ripping doors off their hinges, destroying their home.

When my mother was dying of Lewy-Body Dementia, I prayed for her passing. Her life was over, not by her choice, yet her body wouldnt stop. I wanted her pain to end and her freedom to begin. I want my pain to end and my freedom from the bondage of a disease that wants to torture me to death. And him.

"Get busy living............or get busy dying".

Enough with the in-between.