Yep, addicition kills

Celebrity DJ Adam Goldstein aka "DJ AM" died today in his NYC apartment, with a crack pipe by his side and loads of pill bottles nearby. A friend was concerned when he didnt hear from Adam for a few days, so went to his apartment in Soho. No answer at the door, he called police. Broke door down, found him dead in his bed.

He had 9 years of sobriety. "Went back out" apparently after a 2008 plane crash. Survivors guilt affected hard, depression and anxitey resulted.

Ive been on the other side of the "unanswered" door before, checking to see if he was alive or dead.

Sad, The disease takes another one.

Flat on my back and other things today

Sciatica.does.not.feel.good!

Back went out yesterday. Doing what? Sitting in an overpriced, South Beach, loud, irritating restaurant/bar/club hooker joint. The kind my ex husband would love :)

Lunch with my boss. Chair was uncomfortable and wobbly. Did I get up and move to another when the pain began? Nooooo, of course not. By end of evening last night, pain we wretching. This morning, unbelievable. Been in bed all day, with laptop, cellphone attached to my lap, working. Went to Walgreens to buy a $30 back support, which doesnt help all that much. Ice is my new best friend.
But it could be worse. It could always be worse.

My wayward sponsee I wrote about last night. I texted her this am asking if she "chose" to go to the meeting I suggested. She wrote back "No, I made another choice, but I am praying".

Well. There you have it. All we have to do is pray while we are committing self destructing acts, and its all good.

Shortly after, I read Syd's blog where he posted the 12 steps of a sponsor from AA lit.
http://fine-anon.blogspot.com/

and #11 stood out:

You must know – my help is conditional. I will be with you, hang in there with you, as long as I continue to get even the slightest hints that you are trying to grow.


I copied all 12 and wrote an email with them to the sponsee. I asked her to read them and pay special attention to #11 and ask herself, honestly, if she was genuinely trying to grow. That was it, just asked, said I was looking forward to her reply. She is on a "run" as they say, which I know from first hand experience what the hell THAT feels like. When, if she comes back from it, I think I will have to place very firm boundaries a la "tough love". She is chronic relapser. I think that kind of personal needs more firmness. I know I did. We will see. I can sure say that she has given me yet another very important reminder of where I DO NOT EVER WANT TO GO!