where can I find a serious sponsee?

I have been in the fellowship of Al-anon for a total of 18 years. Did 12 years, then *got better* and dropped out, only to experience the most significant pain of my life in a sick, twisted relationship and returned nearly 7 years ago. In all that time, I have not sponsored anyone past the 7th step.

They either leave, stop calling or lose the desire to work the steps. The new sponsee I have has not fulfilled her commitment to call me daily. Just a simple call. Meant to develop the relationship, learn trust, show commitment. When she finally calls days later, she says she knows she isnt doing anything for her recovery, but "Im trying". Huh? Not doing is trying? I tell her ACTION is trying.

I think this situation is more common than not. People's pain eases, the desperation is forgotten, the desire dies.

That has not been my experience in 7 years. I have absolutely NO desire to back up, go in reverse. I have gone thru highs and lows, pain-free and God awful pain, and never have I thought it was a bad idea to not go to a meeting, not reach out, not pray to God.

I think I am extremely fortunate...I am one of the few that remain in the low statistics of those who stay *sober*. Just for today, please God dont let me forget....

Flat on my back and other things today

Sciatica.does.not.feel.good!

Back went out yesterday. Doing what? Sitting in an overpriced, South Beach, loud, irritating restaurant/bar/club hooker joint. The kind my ex husband would love :)

Lunch with my boss. Chair was uncomfortable and wobbly. Did I get up and move to another when the pain began? Nooooo, of course not. By end of evening last night, pain we wretching. This morning, unbelievable. Been in bed all day, with laptop, cellphone attached to my lap, working. Went to Walgreens to buy a $30 back support, which doesnt help all that much. Ice is my new best friend.
But it could be worse. It could always be worse.

My wayward sponsee I wrote about last night. I texted her this am asking if she "chose" to go to the meeting I suggested. She wrote back "No, I made another choice, but I am praying".

Well. There you have it. All we have to do is pray while we are committing self destructing acts, and its all good.

Shortly after, I read Syd's blog where he posted the 12 steps of a sponsor from AA lit.
http://fine-anon.blogspot.com/

and #11 stood out:

You must know – my help is conditional. I will be with you, hang in there with you, as long as I continue to get even the slightest hints that you are trying to grow.


I copied all 12 and wrote an email with them to the sponsee. I asked her to read them and pay special attention to #11 and ask herself, honestly, if she was genuinely trying to grow. That was it, just asked, said I was looking forward to her reply. She is on a "run" as they say, which I know from first hand experience what the hell THAT feels like. When, if she comes back from it, I think I will have to place very firm boundaries a la "tough love". She is chronic relapser. I think that kind of personal needs more firmness. I know I did. We will see. I can sure say that she has given me yet another very important reminder of where I DO NOT EVER WANT TO GO!