Monday, June 22, 2009

Not being present

In my noon meeting today, everyone was talking about their unmanagability without using that word. Just complaining about:

1. My adult kid got a tattoo, and I cant stand it. I HATE tatoos she said over and over and over and over and over again. And, to top it off, she did it behind her back NOT telling her. She couldnt understand THAT! What I could see....and of course she coudlnt because the rage was blinding her from being present, was the kid KNOWS she hates tattoos and therefore would be angry at her, rage at her,,,ie: she hid it from her cus she didnt want to get the rage that WE got today. Id a'done the same thing. I guess it didnt help that this woman acknowledged she hasnt been coming to meetings for months and months.

What she forgot was this was the same child who at this very time last year was being arrested several times for public intoxication, entering 2 rehabs and failing college. She is not drinking today and being a productive member of the family, but hells bells, she got a tattoo.

"We put our problem in its true perspective".

After her share, another member comes in late, huffing and puffing and sweating up a storm. It was nearly 98 today, blistering HOT in Miami, and she didnt look good. After a few shares, she speaks and tells how UNMANAGEABLE her day is. Left house without cell phone, car breaks down 4 blks from meeting room, she walks the 4 blocks, and as an obese woman, it took everything she had to make it there. She looked awful....but she could not find her presence, for in her share she asked if she could borrow a cell phone after the meeting so she can call the dealership to pick up her car and that after the meeting she would WALK to the dealer to take care of it. WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT? I wanted to scream out "Youre in a room with 10 people who LOVE YOU and will drive you wherever you need to go!!!". The dealer, it just so happened, was literally across the street about 2 blks down from our meeting.

But, she was so affected by her current drama, she could not see the solutions in front of her face. I was going to share next and say I would take her, but she got up, forgetting she had stated she would wait til the END of the meeting to call, and asked for a cell phone to go outside and call right then. She got a phone, walked out and we never saw her again. A woman I sponsor had gone outside to check on her, came in few mins later to tell me she had given the woman a ride BACK to her car, to sit in the HOT SUN til the tow truck comes. OH MY GOD! The self inflicted torture we endure when we are outta our frigging minds!! She couldnt put this problem in perspective....let teh car wait an hour, sit in a cool meeting room, find God for solace and solution and then ask for a ride. I shouldnt be amazed, I used to be like that too. Narrow focus, only on the drama, didnt know how to take a breather. Didnt know there are people to help me.

Afterwards, I had to go across the street with a sponsee to do her a favor on my way to work. When we were done she pointed out where the lady went, where her car was. I drove down there but didnt she it, she mustve left.

Present. Calm. In the moment. SO HARD TO LEARN.


Syd said...

It sounds like she was in such anxiety that she temporarily blocked out any clear thought. I happen to be a pretty calm soul and clear headed. It is a blessing and maybe has become more so because of recovery. I am grateful for it.

Prayer Girl said...

OMG - I thank God every single day that I was brought to my knees, ended up in Alcoholics Anonymous and later Al-Anon and that I no longer have to act in the manner you described some members of your group behaving. I was a mess. No longer.

So grateful.