Thursday, July 16, 2009

Fireworks, insults and control freak fly in Al-Anon district meeting

Where do I begin?

Tonight I attended our district business meeting. Hot topic to be decided. Do we continue to "rent" out our home room space to a non-alanon 12 step workshop? For 6 months of the year, we allow a 12 step workshop that is not affliated officially with al-anon or AA to use our space for their meetings. They use our literature and AA lit for their meetings. Been like this for years and years.

And someone doesnt like it. A long time member who is a tradition nazi. Rigid doesnt begin to accurately describe her obsession with controlling the traditions being upheld. I mean she has a long time reputation for being obsessed with this. She became district rep (DR) for our district his year and has commenced on trying to force the workshop out. For 6 months the GR's have been discussing this issue , pros and cons, whether it violates the traditions (outside entity, etc). She has been sensing the GR's want to vote to keep the workshop, and as a result, she has been force feeding information, distributing long summaries about the traditions, even asking an outside member from another district to come and speak to the GR's, without asking US if we wanted that. The outside person, I feel, would try to get us to vote the way "M" wants. Her controlling maneuvers have alienated many GR's from even attending the monthly district meeting. Many people have been talking about this chaos in meetings, and so tonight it all came to a head.

I put out a motion that we vote on this issue tonight. NOW. She had a fit. Said the discussion is not over on it. One woman asked WHO decides when the discussion has been complete? Her brilliant answer:

"When all the questions have been asked". Huh? By WHOSE declaration? If I wanted to delay the vote til hell freezes over, I could write up a 1000 questions and ask them til I was blue in the face. You cannot believe how desperate this woman became. Practically begging us to investigate this matter more, like her life depended on it. It is clear to me she has some internal issue going in and in a great deal of fear. Everyone in the room, except for her, wanted to vote. I had my motion seconded, and she refused to call the vote. She continued to try to discuss it and when confront by me on the need to put aside her feelings as she was NOT a voting member, she became angry and told me to "Be Quiet".


I said ""Excuse me"".

She repeated "Be quiet".

I said how dare you speak to me that way. Shame on you. I will pray for you tonight.

Then, because she felt so ganged up on because NO ONE would support her, she turns into a 3 year old child and says "Fine, if you all dont like it, I will quit as DR and leave". She packed up her stuff, but didnt leave".

So then........................

the codependency sprung outta the mouth of a member "No, M, dont go!!"

OH MY LORD! This was the enmeshment with the alcoholic all over again, except the alcoholic role was being played by a sick al-anon. She didnt get her way, so she first tried to talk people ino seeing it her way, to get what she wanted, then when that wouldnt work, she goes to the "Martyr" poor me method, and gets a nice codie to beg her to stay. Personally, when people want to act like children, I let them. I just step outta the way.

This is the sickest shit Ive ever seen in any type of al-anon room. She was acting like a 60 year old spoiled baby and no one would confront it ie: Pink elephant in the living room that no one wanted to deal with.

Finally, when people continued to entertain her objections (jus like trying to reason with the alcoholic, you know, to see things in their proper perspective. How successful have we been with THAT?) with their reasoning for why we should vote, I had to stand up and call the vote again! We have guideline, when a voting member puts a motion out and it is seconded, a vote MUST be called. Again....the woman tries to block it and refuses to call it.

One woman finally tries to "talk her off the ledge" by gently saying our traditions state we place PRINCIPLES over PERSONALITIES, and one persons opinion on an issue is just that, One persons. We dont rule by dominance. We vote and we let God guide the outcome.

Oh man, it was amazing how no one for myself and one other would really confront this self willed run riot woman. Finally, a woman puts out a motion that we delay the vote til August, give time to speak to our groups (Though thats what we HAVE been doing for 6 months) and come back to vote FOR SURE in August. "M" was satisfied with that AFTER she instructed us on what to tell our groups and what CAL literature we were to read in the mean time. Oh my fucking lord....this control freak was flying high!

We voted on this motion, and immediately after someone just reiterates "OK, next month we vote on this, for sure"......then......incrediblely, "M" says "What? We are voting next month, for sure"?

Oh God, I think she is mentally ill, I really do. I do not have enough adjectives to accurately describe my astonishment as what went down tonight.

Too bad I dont drink alcohol, cus I could use a drink right now.

And I thought it was the DRUNKS that make people crazy. The unrecovered al-anons are just as sick.

Can't wait til next month!