This is a post made on soberrecovery.com today. Its brutal and real. Carries a strong, important message of what we family members CAN do to save our own lives...
Thanksgiving - 1 year ago . . .
I'll bet many of you have often felt like me - If I just knew what would was going to happen - then I would know which choice to make right?
If I only knew the future . . .
For me - I think NOT knowing actually saved me life . . .
For those who are new to SR, I'll give a brief background info.
I was in a 16 plus yr marriage at this time last yr - first 10 yrs of marriage we had NO recovery, then my AH went to rehab, we seperated, he got sober, I got into Al-Anon and we reconciled. We both worked on recovery and had almost 3 yrs as a recovery marriage. Then he relapsed and started that downward spiral. He spent the next 2 1/2 yrs attempting to sober again, not maintaining any length of sobriety worth noting. Many times I stated - I can't go back to living with active addiction again. He just kept on going downward . . .
Finally in November 2008, I started making plans to move out. He didn't believe I would follow thru with it. But I had given my last "second" chances. I truly was tired of trying. Tired of sleeping with my keys and cellphone in my hands at nite. Tired of hiding $$ and everything else to try to protect myself. Tired of being scared to death in my own home. Tired of the insanity and abuse.
So on Thanksgiving nite 2008, I spent the 1st in a little 1 bedroom house, leaving my new home and the majority of all my possessions. (We had just replaced our home from Hurricane Rita)
NOW, HAD I KNOWN what I was about to face in that next year - Would I have still been able to LEAVE????? Geez I don't know.
As many of you know - This year has been a tough one - My now ex AH - turned cruel and revengeful - he fought the divorce, sought spousal support, stalked me, and many nites of nightmares, plus lots of other issues.
I suffered financial ruin, lost those material possessions, my home and had many stressful hours in court. A divorce and settlement that should have been finished in May wasn't completed until the middle of Sept.
BUT tonite when I rest my head on my pillow - I will sleep in peace, my keys and cell phone - will be where ever. My purse will land wherever it falls. I never lock my vehicle at night - My ex doesn't know where I live.
I will wake in the morning - not to the grumpiness of hangovers, bloodshot eyes, bad moods, demanding of money, phone calls, disappearing for hours, etc. but to the song in my heart of gratefulness to the God of my understanding for allowing me to make it thru this year.
To the peace, love and serenity of my life, the fellowship with my family and that gratitude for the opportunity to be sane to enjoy them.
There will be a moment of silence - a time to recognize and pray for my ex - The anger is gone - I feel only sadness and healthy compassion. I mourn for that man that once was during his sobriety - I know my daughters and grandchildren miss him.
I pray someday - he finds that peace within himself again - he truly does deserve it for himself.
For those of you who seek to find the strength, courage and wisdom to start the path to another way of life for yourself - there is a way - It may not always be paved, smooth and easy - BUT it there is a way - and my friends there is calmness, happiness, joy and rest.
May each of enjoy life to the fulliest
Love and HUGS,
Rita
If I only knew the future . . .
For me - I think NOT knowing actually saved me life . . .
For those who are new to SR, I'll give a brief background info.
I was in a 16 plus yr marriage at this time last yr - first 10 yrs of marriage we had NO recovery, then my AH went to rehab, we seperated, he got sober, I got into Al-Anon and we reconciled. We both worked on recovery and had almost 3 yrs as a recovery marriage. Then he relapsed and started that downward spiral. He spent the next 2 1/2 yrs attempting to sober again, not maintaining any length of sobriety worth noting. Many times I stated - I can't go back to living with active addiction again. He just kept on going downward . . .
Finally in November 2008, I started making plans to move out. He didn't believe I would follow thru with it. But I had given my last "second" chances. I truly was tired of trying. Tired of sleeping with my keys and cellphone in my hands at nite. Tired of hiding $$ and everything else to try to protect myself. Tired of being scared to death in my own home. Tired of the insanity and abuse.
So on Thanksgiving nite 2008, I spent the 1st in a little 1 bedroom house, leaving my new home and the majority of all my possessions. (We had just replaced our home from Hurricane Rita)
NOW, HAD I KNOWN what I was about to face in that next year - Would I have still been able to LEAVE????? Geez I don't know.
As many of you know - This year has been a tough one - My now ex AH - turned cruel and revengeful - he fought the divorce, sought spousal support, stalked me, and many nites of nightmares, plus lots of other issues.
I suffered financial ruin, lost those material possessions, my home and had many stressful hours in court. A divorce and settlement that should have been finished in May wasn't completed until the middle of Sept.
BUT tonite when I rest my head on my pillow - I will sleep in peace, my keys and cell phone - will be where ever. My purse will land wherever it falls. I never lock my vehicle at night - My ex doesn't know where I live.
I will wake in the morning - not to the grumpiness of hangovers, bloodshot eyes, bad moods, demanding of money, phone calls, disappearing for hours, etc. but to the song in my heart of gratefulness to the God of my understanding for allowing me to make it thru this year.
To the peace, love and serenity of my life, the fellowship with my family and that gratitude for the opportunity to be sane to enjoy them.
There will be a moment of silence - a time to recognize and pray for my ex - The anger is gone - I feel only sadness and healthy compassion. I mourn for that man that once was during his sobriety - I know my daughters and grandchildren miss him.
I pray someday - he finds that peace within himself again - he truly does deserve it for himself.
For those of you who seek to find the strength, courage and wisdom to start the path to another way of life for yourself - there is a way - It may not always be paved, smooth and easy - BUT it there is a way - and my friends there is calmness, happiness, joy and rest.
May each of enjoy life to the fulliest
Love and HUGS,
Rita
1 comments:
It is such a shame what the disease puts the family through. But as the author noted there is a way out. I'm glad to have found a program of recovery.
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