Real life addiction...

This is a post made on soberrecovery.com today. Its brutal and real. Carries a strong, important message of what we family members CAN do to save our own lives...

Thanksgiving - 1 year ago . . .

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I'll bet many of you have often felt like me - If I just knew what would was going to happen - then I would know which choice to make right?

If I only knew the future . . .

For me - I think NOT knowing actually saved me life . . .

For those who are new to SR, I'll give a brief background info.

I was in a 16 plus yr marriage at this time last yr - first 10 yrs of marriage we had NO recovery, then my AH went to rehab, we seperated, he got sober, I got into Al-Anon and we reconciled. We both worked on recovery and had almost 3 yrs as a recovery marriage. Then he relapsed and started that downward spiral. He spent the next 2 1/2 yrs attempting to sober again, not maintaining any length of sobriety worth noting. Many times I stated - I can't go back to living with active addiction again. He just kept on going downward . . .

Finally in November 2008, I started making plans to move out. He didn't believe I would follow thru with it. But I had given my last "second" chances. I truly was tired of trying. Tired of sleeping with my keys and cellphone in my hands at nite. Tired of hiding $$ and everything else to try to protect myself. Tired of being scared to death in my own home. Tired of the insanity and abuse.

So on Thanksgiving nite 2008, I spent the 1st in a little 1 bedroom house, leaving my new home and the majority of all my possessions. (We had just replaced our home from Hurricane Rita)

NOW, HAD I KNOWN what I was about to face in that next year - Would I have still been able to LEAVE????? Geez I don't know.

As many of you know - This year has been a tough one - My now ex AH - turned cruel and revengeful - he fought the divorce, sought spousal support, stalked me, and many nites of nightmares, plus lots of other issues.

I suffered financial ruin, lost those material possessions, my home and had many stressful hours in court. A divorce and settlement that should have been finished in May wasn't completed until the middle of Sept.

BUT tonite when I rest my head on my pillow - I will sleep in peace, my keys and cell phone - will be where ever. My purse will land wherever it falls. I never lock my vehicle at night - My ex doesn't know where I live.

I will wake in the morning - not to the grumpiness of hangovers, bloodshot eyes, bad moods, demanding of money, phone calls, disappearing for hours, etc. but to the song in my heart of gratefulness to the God of my understanding for allowing me to make it thru this year.

To the peace, love and serenity of my life, the fellowship with my family and that gratitude for the opportunity to be sane to enjoy them.

There will be a moment of silence - a time to recognize and pray for my ex - The anger is gone - I feel only sadness and healthy compassion. I mourn for that man that once was during his sobriety - I know my daughters and grandchildren miss him.

I pray someday - he finds that peace within himself again - he truly does deserve it for himself.

For those of you who seek to find the strength, courage and wisdom to start the path to another way of life for yourself - there is a way - It may not always be paved, smooth and easy - BUT it there is a way - and my friends there is calmness, happiness, joy and rest.

May each of enjoy life to the fulliest
Love and HUGS,
Rita

The newcomer is my best reminder

Being on vacation this week allows me to go to daily meetings, which I love love love.
In todays meeting, a newcomer of just a few weeks shared about her obsessing over all the things her alki son is doing and not doing. To the point where SHE has come down with a case of diarhea! Ha....do I remember those days of attachment. I was oh so grateful for her share, she kept it green for me! I no longer CARE what the drunk is doing. I dont drive by, I dont ask, I dont obsess for one real reason.

I dont care.

I care about ME, about Jackson, about work, about friends, about sending anonymous holiday gifts to friends I know who could use a lift up. I care about SO MANY things that have nothing to do with a drunk.

And I have God to thank for that. Enjoying the benefits of detachment is delicious. The newcomer showed me where I once was, and where I hope to God I never go to again.

This is the same person who a few weeks ago said she was a *shit magnet*. Hopefully, she will become a shit repellant. Just for today, I am. :)

Happy Thanksgiving, blogging world, I will be taking some delicous treats down South on Thanksgiving to be with my loved ones at an AA room. My family. The drunks, who would've thunk it?

It's okay to not like everyone in Al-Anon

I went to our district Al-Anon gratitude dinner tonight. Nice to see old faces I had'nt seen in a long while. Not so nice to see a few faces I dislike. I have finally realized this year, since my mother's death that it is perfectly acceptable to dislike people in my fellowship.

I use to think I was a selfish sinner for not liking everyone. The people pleaser in me. Not anymore. These people have hurt me, never took responsiblity nor made any amends. So, I do not have to act all lovely dovely. As I was manning the greeting table, for folks to sign in and get a name tag with another memember, some of these people I dislike arrived to sign in. I said nothing, they said nothing. No *fakery* on either side. I felt liberated! I felt like I was honoring my feelings and not having to fake it.

For this people pleaser, that was a great triumph!

Oh God....thank you for the 3rd step

Man...Im so grateful to God. And that I remembered to say my morning prayers while driving to work, in loud distracting traffic.

Tonight, Im on way home from Publix, with Jackson, tired, wanting to go to bed. I get a text from a *band-aid* Al-anon friend. "Can u talk"?. What was my first reaction you ask?

"NO!" You didnt come to my mothers funeral, as you promised! You dont come to meetings, even though your life is totally farked up living with a stalking, obsessive drunk to beat all drunks of a husband". "So, NO, you dont get my phone call".

So of course I text her back saying "Yes. Call". HA! It only took me a few seconds to spew my poop. Took God even less than that to work that miracle inside my mind. After I silently vent, the thought hit me "Thats GODS thoughts infiltrating my angry Al-Anon mind :)". Anyhow, the thought says " She's probably in a crisis. She probably needs some 12 stepping". And I was right.

Long story short. The drunk got her car shot up, blood on seat with a nice size hole ripped in the leather. Car-jacking attempt, says he. More like a visit to the crack house gone wrong. She is terrified, hiding in her bedroom, on the floor. Thinking a drug dealer is coming to attack her house, cus the car is out front. I have not heard terror like that in a long time from anyone.

I listened, then I went in for the "kill" as they say. Help her see HER part in the terrorism she is choosing to live in. Tried to introduce her to "reality" of the yets as they are quickly entering her life. Gave her tough love, then followed up with hope. The most important aspect of 12 stepping. Shared my E,S,H on how I acquired hope, and peace, and freedom. I could hear the relief, her voice soften, he fear to relax. She promised to go to a meeting and her shrink tomorrow. I asked her to promise to call me at the end of the day to tell me that she did.

When I hung up, I thanks God over and over again, for LETTING me do HIS will. For not attaching myself to my ANGRY will and to swallow my ego and call her.

No matter WHAT happens to her, GOD helped me in my emotional sobriety tonight and for that I am ETERNALLY GRATEFUL!!!